Twin Souls
by Shenzi
Summary: Okay, the real name isn't twin souls, but I'm mocking ditzy, MarySueish fics and that seems like a very traditional name. Read the fic, I say! ::uses Jedi powers:: You waaannt tooo reeeaaaad thiiiiiiiss! go ahead. Click on it! Cli
1. A Prologue!

Disclaimer:

Hi! Sorry I have to put this in but I'm excited to be actually writing again! I realised a few months ago that I had no talent and committed fanfictional suicide. BUT I'M BACK! MUAHHAHAHAHA. Now you will have to suffer through MORE of my abysmal works. Actually, I think this is pretty good. Half is by me, the rest by in)sane, who, sadly, hasn't yet come back from the fanfictionally dead. So, yeah, a breif explanation.

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See that thing up at the top (ish) of the page? Yeah, where it says my pen name is Shenzi? That's 'cos it is. However, I am writing this in character. And the character I'm writing it as would have a penname more like FoxieChic1 or H0+LuVah4 so I thought I'd tell you that. I'd tell you the real person I'm making fun of, but she's definitely going to read this, and I don't want to get _slapped_ again (ha.) so I will withhold that information. I love not telling people things. It makes them **_NUTS_**. Muahahahahaha. The real me will be imputing sarcastic comments et cetera in _italics _which will always be found in parenthesis. By the way, all spelling/grammar mistakes, MarySues, poorly formed sentences or EVEN tense changes are purely intentional. Now say goodbye to my (somewhat) usual eloquence and laugh your head off at: 

THE MOST TYPICAL POORLY WRITTEN DITZY FANFICTION EVER

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a.k.a. 

_Twin Souls_

Oh yeah, I don't own Harry Potter (BUT I WISH I DID:wink wink giggle:)

A young girl of about16 years of age leapt over the banister and fell on a young man of about 17 years of age. She was very pretty with red hair and green almond shaped eyes. She was about five feet six inches with waist-length hair the color of red-orange down to her waist. She was wearing hot pink robes over a black skirt that came down to her legs and a black T-shirt that said the weird sisters on it and she had knee high hot pink boots with a black flower pattern on them that were made out of leather (only it wasn't really because real leather boots are really expensive so it was just shiny plastic over cloth that looks like leather but isn't). The boy was about six feet one with dark black hair of normal length and a scar on his forehead. He was was wearing muggle clothes that look like the belonged to some fat ugly kid named Dudly along time ago. His hair was messy his glasses were broken. He looked like his father accept for his eyes which (_oddly enough)_ looked like his mother's. His eyes had cicles under them (_I have always wanted to see someone with circles UNDER their eyes. Usually dark circles appear AROUND one's eyes and even then, it's usually only when they've been hit in the face_). as I was saying his eyes had cirlces under them like someone who just finished reading War and peace for the seventh time and had to anotate it in Cyrillic. In fact Oregano could see that he **had** just finished reading War and Peace because he had a copu with notes in Cyrillic sticking out on little pink post-it notes.

Oregano had transferre dto HOgwarts from Salem Acadamy in ameraca (_doesn't it seem that most poorly written American fanfics include a character from Salem?_) She was so excited about getting to go to hogwards where the famous Harry potte r went to school! (_this character doesn't care about leaving her friends…hmm…MAYBE she HAD NO FRIENDS! HA!_) Her parents are both magiv which meant htat she was a purebolld. She didn't care about being perfect though because she liked herself just plain how eshe was.

Anyway as soon as she fell on this guy she knw that it was LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. "Wow" she said "you're kinda hot." "you to." He said "we should date." "okay!" so they did.

The next day oregano was walking with harry through the halls of hogworts. They were holding hands. Suddenly a young man of about 17 years of age walked out _they never seem to say where they walked out from. They just walk out from...space_ and two other young men of about 17 years of age walked with him. One was on his left and one was on his right side. They young man in the center had devilish looks that endeared him to her. He had light blonde hair and cold gray eyes (A/N: or is it grey? does it matter? I forget. Maybe ones the British spelling) and when they peirced Oregano she felt her heart give a queer lurch. He was wearing hogwarts robes but also a shirt underneath that had a picture of a happy face with a gangsta hat (A/N: The wool kind, you know? Like one time my mom was watching one of thsoe stupid old shows about some band and there was this guy in the band who always wore a hat like that only he wasnt a gansta he just always wore that hat and thats the hat i mean and the happy face was frowning so it wasnt a happy face but you know what i mean.) He was also wearing black combat boots with a sticker for Good Charlotte on the right one and the left one had a sticker for Marilyn Manson and the right one also had a sticker for the White Stripes.

He looked at Harry coldly. "Well look boys" he said "Potty's got a gf." he said coldly. "Dont they look cute."

The other boys laughed and nodded. _They never describe the ugly people, do they?_

Then Draco _because for some reason we know his name now_ turned to oregano. "look me up when you want a real man, babe." _sounds really funny when you say it out loud. Manbabe. _Then he winked. While he walked away, oregano felt weak at the knees, she knew she sholdnt but she really liked Draco and she really liked Harry. She had a problem.

A/N: ok guys, sorry this chapter's a little short but i've been realy busy with school (im totaly flunking math!) and next week itll be longer i swear. Review, please! With sugar on top:P

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_Hi, this is the real author. Actually, it's more of a joint thing…I wrote some of it and my friend in)sane wrote the rest...you already know that..Wow, it's hard to stop writing ditzy…ugh…:shudder: yeah, so you can tell our comments apart because I use (parenthesis) and she uses brackets. Yes, I know that was really lame, showing you what brackets and parenthesis are by using them. Dang, brackets aren't going to work...Anyway, that was dumb. HEY, I JUST WROTE PART OF THE ABOVE FANFICTION. By all rights, I should be unconcious. So yeah, for those of you who ignored the disclaimer, all spelling and grammar mistakes are on purpose. I'm saying this because if I had just read that fanfiction, I would have shot the author._

_Anyway, tune in for chapter two soon (ish) and have a nice day! Wait, I think I'm supposed to say to review. Isn't that what most people do here? Eh, who cares..._


	2. AUTHORESS'S NOTE 1

A/N: by the way u guys u might wanna no!!!!!! a/n stands 4 authoress'es note so thats a way i can tell u xtra tidbits that u might not get from the story.)

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Disclaimer: I don't know harry potter but I wish I did!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!:) –giggle-

In this fic I was hopping 2 show the depth of Americans and there tormoils and they're struggels to cope w/ the british spublic school system.

** I have some chracters I may need to xplan:**

**Oregano:** oregano is just ur typical American public schoolgirl only with sass and pizzaz. She was born in Iowa Falls, Iowa but went to school at salem institute of magic b/c it is the only magic school in America. They're colours are yellow and orange for grifflepuff who is mascot thing is a tucan.

**Alabastor:** her brothrt who has sleek black hair and purple eyes to boot and rides a haw++ motorcycle is in slytherclaw who's mascot is a jet ebony love bird. he is youngest member of the order at 14 years old. He works for the federal magic buroe in America which is kinda like minstry of magic but in America but he comes to visit oregano alot.ALOT!!!!!1:))

**_Ebonie:_** Oreganos bff!!!! She is from mexico, but she gos to salem b/c there is no schul in MEXICO!!!! Insted, this fisty chica spent many many many mamy MANYYY!!!! days pining over ALABASTER but their star-xed luvrs!!! LIKE HAMLET!!!! OMG, i read that in school and … ok I saw the movie, but LEO DECAPRIO WAS LIKE M ON FIRE SHE WAS SO HO++!!!! OMFG. ANDYWAYS!!!!! So, even tho she tots likes him. He doesn't no she exists. UNTIL THE PROM!!! Oops. I shouln't hav said that. –shuts up before I give to much away- O, rite, Ebonies hpus is Huffledor who's house mascot is a unicorn named Qpid. They're coloures are silver and white. But they usually wear pink cuz THESE GURLZ HAV ATTITUDE!!!!!!

**Ivory:** Ebonies sister. Shes in Ravenrin whos mascot is a shark and whos colours are green and silver.She's the evil sister. And she has an insane metabolizm quite lke that of one of the authors…esses…yeah. She wants cake and she wants it NOW!!! ;))

**Afrodity Shnyrks: The** new headmaster Hogwarts!!! RUMOUR HAS IT SHE AN DA SERTIN GREASBALL HAD QUITE THE STEAMY LIFE TOGETHER FOR A FEW YEARS!! O la la. She is like tonks cuz shre can change her hair color but not like tonks cuz she doesn' like lupin. Exept as like a friend. Yeah. She is professerhead of HOGWARDS (OMG TOTAL HP PoA REFERENCE!!!!!)!!!!!!! SHE is ALSO one of Organos best confidences. EVERYONE LIKES HER. Especially a sertin potions master… -wink wink giggle giggle-

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_**ALTERED BITS:**_

The Waslibs have truly a HUGE inheritance b/c they are distant relations of Godric Gryffindor. SO THEY GOT A HUUUUUGE INHERETANCE IN BETWEEN HBP AND GH. (BTW: The books are ubreviated as follows: Sorceres Stone PS Chamer of Secrets + CoS Prisoner of Azcaban PoA Goblet of Firee GoF Order of the Finix OotP Half Blud Prince HPB and FINALLY Godrics Hollow GH)

Siris Black is not dead, Harry is going to rescu him with the mirror….Ooop!!!!!1

Percy is still minister of Majikk

Ginny Waslib is on a mysterious and extended vacation.

Hermione is teaching DADA EVEN THO SHE HASNT GRADUATED YET!!! OMG!!!! SHE SO SMART!

Hairy has reformed the DA only, obviously, now, its, called, the, AA!!!!

Dracp was mevrer involved in dumbledores death or the death eaters or ANYTHIN to do w/ Tom Ridde and is still Hogwarts.

Karkaroff is not dead

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**_PairingS:_**

_/ is dating_

_& is married!!!_

Harry/Hermione

Harry/Oregano

Harry/Ron

Oregano/Draco

Ron/Fleur

Mr Waslib&Mrs. Waslib

Sirius/Tonmks

Dumbledore/MgGonagall

Neville/lavlav

Remus/Tonks

Remus/Afrodity

Alabastor/Umbridge

Alabastor/Hermione

Alabastor/Ginny

Alabastor/MadamePince

Alabastor/Madame Olympe

Alabaster/Tonks

Alabastor/Fleur

Alabastor/Ivory

Alabastor/Lavlav

Alabastor/Trelawny

Alabastur/Professor Sinestra

Alabastor/Snape

Alabastor/Madame Bones

Alabastor/Belletrix Lestrange

Alabastor/Narcissa Malfoy

Alabastor/Cho Chang

Alabaster/Millicent Bulstrode

Gabrielle/Charlie

Fleur/Bill

Hermione/Krum

Charly/Pansy Parkinson

Fred Waslib&Alicia Spinnet

George Waslib&Angelina

Ned/Nancy

Mad Eye/Afrodity

Percy/Afrodty

Percy/Penelope

Percy/Tonks

Percy&Umbridge

Vernon&Petunia

Lilly&James

Lilly/Snape

Godric Griffendor/Rowena Ravenclaw

Salazar Slytherin/ Madam Hooch

Ginny/Tom Riddle

Peeves/Moaning murtle

NhN/Moaning Myrtle

Diggory&Chang

Dudley/Ivory

Mark Evens/ Hermione

Filch& Mrs. Norris

Petter Pettergrew& Madame Rosmerta

Ron/Madam Rosmerta

Ron/Hermione

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Sorry this note has been so long and I hope y'all are not confused. Anywho…I better get on with the fic (hope ya guyz like it!) I'm so excited to start it up. Plz Review!!!!!No Flames!

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**_Thanks to these peeps who reviewed my last chapter and inspired to write more!!!!!1_**

**GreenEyesWatching:** aww…thanks. I L-O-V-E it 2! May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all

**Lily 3Snape4001**: omg sistah!!!! Like I cant believe u actually found my story and liked it to. We relly need too get together and write something sometime. May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all LYAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

**HeartlessRomantic:** u were laughing at my story? Just the funny parts, rite? HAAHAHAAA!!! LOL!!!!!! -passes out from laughing 2 hard- ;) May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all

**Heee: u** have a very creative pename. LOLOLOLOLLOL!!!!!!!!1 the name of the person is highly confidential and were i to reveel it i wood die cuz i'm in a unbreakable vow. HEHEHEHEEE!!!! May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all

**Harmonie4evah**: omg I totally LUV-LUVED ur latest fic!!! That snape/mcgonicall idea was just pure majikk!!!! How come I'm not in ur fav authoresses? Ur on mine!!!!!!!!1 -pout-

**Tresdrole:** ah, je parle francais! HONHONHON!!!!1 sorry 4 not updating. I'll try too do it evry day. What did u think of this chappie? May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all

**Mintbiccuit: **aww thanks. U rite good urself. Thanks 4 liking the 1st chappie. I hope u read more and put me on ur alerts list!!!!!!!1 May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all

**Edward Cooper**: even tho u didn't review my ficcy i want 2 thank u for being a gr8 gr8 gr8 inspire-ation 4 me!!!!!!! Hopes to see u in bio! _**SMOOCHES!!!!!!!!**_1 :

**MysticKitty17:** I can TOTEs sense a kindred sprit in u mystickitty17! Like how we both use the words OMG and LIKE!!!!!! May ur stories be inspiring and and inspired and warm ur heart and never get flamed thru all ur days and in days ur all


	3. Chapter 3

**OMFG!1! I'm like, tots back in blaack! (get it cuz Im wering black?1!0 So, like, sorry I couldn't write for a while but i wuz reding the TWILIGHT BUKS! Like o man! They r so gooood! Omg, I hav 2 talk about them., k? So like they were sooooooo cute and I looooove edward and I am just like Alic Cullen! Cuz I am sympathetic but can toits defent peeps that i luv and like love cars. SO MUch. So sorry I havn't ubtated but ive obveesiuly been busy! And you probably understand cuz thos books are boss, rite? lol. So hre iz the next chappie of my storie! YAYZ! Oh, yeah, btw i don't own anything.**

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Oregano walked the halls of hogworts school of withccraft and wizardry with a confuzed xpreshun on her face. (A/N: if ud red the last chappie u woud tots no y. but ill refresh incase there are peeps who havnt red it or 4got. ok so oregano and harry met and dthey tots just clicked kinda like me and fred kowalski clickecd in our language arts class only harry went rite up to oregano and asked her out. only than draco came up and oregano felt like he wuz totly HAWT 2. and hes obviusly pretty in2 her) who should she date harry or draco? anyway, so oregano was walking and than she decided to stick with harry bc hes hot and then she saw draco coming up to her. only than she looked at a mirror and DRACO HAD NO REFLEXION!

Oregano was just so xcited that she had to leave harry for a minute. I mean, how can she concentrate when shes around these steemy males? So she had to way her options cuz the whole game had been redrawn. harry has a scar, whitch is like totalls interest, but Draco is a vampire. Which is so cool right? ( and totally makes sense cause he's so mean and pale and his fashion sense). She needed a second opinions so she called he Asian friend (sry I'll find out her name later) who said some dumb stuff (so dosn't get relationships as natrually as Oregano does) about it being creepy because he would be dead and she could too and never going sunbathing but really Oregano thought that she and Draco could overcome any opposition. Who cares if her friends approve, they would see it her way eventually cause shes so persuasive. and can bribe with cookies which she makes herself because she dosn't believe in house-elf slaverry. Anyways, she knew she HADS to talk with afrodittty.

SO. SOOOO she went dwn the hal to Afrodtty's office. SHe marched upto tahe gargoyle'sd oiutside and sayd :"Like, emigod, let mew throoooooou!11!" and the gargoyle di (cuz this is the passord). She went runninginto afroditty's office in tears with her red coulored hair streeming behind her and her wiloughy robes floating around like pink clouds or somehing and the ran upto affroditty ands started crying."Hey grrrrl! Wat up? Why r you cirying? OMG Is is guy trouble!" sed Afroditty "OMG yoou have no idea! I don't know who to pick!" Oregano whaled. "Dracoi, or Harry?/! (a/n I would tots take Draco because (as evryone nos) Edwarfd and i r LUVVRS and not evn DEATH can part our luv!) Affrodite looked at Oregano. "Grrl, I hav no ide. We shood consult ... Roonil! He's a suthsaier, you no." "OMG i had no ide!" Oregano sed. Wow! Roonil can c the futere? Omg. SHe just HAD to tell Ivory! And with that, she ran off yet agin.

ivorie was talking to ALabastur. "h-h-h-he-e-e-ey-y-y-y Ala," she said and he said "Hey" back. he looked so tots hott becas at that monent he was waring thiss nice blue shirt and one sleef wass longer then the other and i am not kildding about how hot he looked. like do u watch gossip girl? yah. he looked like that guy form gossip girl only he was also waring wizardry roabes. and anyway, Oregano ran up to them and she was like, "OMFG! Ala!1 wat r u doing here?" and he said "just here to visit my faves sis!" so than Oregano turn to ivory and said "did u no roonil can sea the future?" "OMG! like, i tots didn't no that!" "Whos Roonil?" "Hes my bfs bff!" "u hav a bf?" "o ala, ur so out of the LOOP!1" And with that the three wiards went off 2 find roonil.

Sos they walked up to the kitchens were the houseelfes were making food which was totally were Roonil was. I don't get how hes so skinny ( or gangly like in the books!1!) but he eats so much. That's totally not realistic. So he was luaging arond in a purple suit jacket and skinny jeans ( which I think becomes certain peeps like Steven Kowalski) and Ivie was like" Hey we need you to solve theis problem wiht your SEEEEING" but suddenly oregano realized that she had another problem because beneath the freakles and whatevs Roonil was kinda hott two and she couldn't ask him about himself. What could she dow now?

"OMG I liiek, havs to leave!" she panted and lurched tord her next class (witch she was tots late for). "wait" roonil Yelled afer her and cam erunning up n ext to her. 'Orageno, we tots neeet to dalk!" sed ROonil. "Ican't talk to you!" Oregano said. "why not!" HE enquird anxisly. "because I love-" Oregano started"MY CLASS. I love my class." Roonil was tots confused. Oregano, i have something v. important 2 tell u!1" he siad. "I hav to tell you whow I feel about-" "BY ROONIL!" she said and ran away down the hal. OMG. Now she had so many choices she had to think about. It was 2 hardd!1!

So like...anyways...seh wuz on her way to class now. Wen seh arrivded in her HOM class, she saw ANOTHER cute boi...NO! It wuz a GIRL! Now she wuz evn MORE cunfuzed. De profezor was really confuzed 2 bc NOBODY was actually alert and Oregano wuz. (Y'z history boring in the magical world 2?1 Like so not fair. History's like TOTALLY my fav subject.) Oregano cudn't sit still tho. Not 1 bit. Cuz she was TOTALLY confuzed (did I say that already? sowwy). Seh decided seh wud mt dat grl afta claz just to see wut she was like. Maybe...just maybe, she'd be a totally FREAK! and then at least one of her wurries wud be out o/ the way. Seh tryd to focuz a lil bit on the class, but it was dragging ON...and ON...and ON.

"Erg. Blah. History. Goblins"said professor bines. Oregano couldn't believe her ears! How could it be goblins again! soo boring. she tossed her curtain of shiny thick orangey hair around her head in frustration. "Is'nt this lame?"She mouthed to to that guy next to her at her table, who she'd never seen befor but was tots hottt. he winked at her with his eyses and she was goin to wink back despirte all her problems when that ghost teacher said something (guuyss pay attention this is important) "The goblins phrophesized that one girl would appear ant change the way of magical world. Consult hist of majick for more reading". Oregano could not believe this lesson was still happeingin. Gah, who's that hot gurl?

Oreguno was soooo torn!1! she new she luvd harrie but she also luved draco and roonil adn now she thot mabye she allso lioked this gurrrrlllll. OMG WUZ OREGUNO A LEBSIAN! This wuz sriurrius bizniiz. (DON"T WURRY SHE IS NOT A LEBSIAN OMG UGH. THAET WUD BE SOOO GROSSSS.)(LIKE, I AM NOT EVEN RITING THAT0. Allll thu way bak to hur dormityory, Oreguno wuz soooooo wurried. Giurls or boyz?

DUN DUN DUN.

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**REVIEWWWSSZZ**

**Fallingterust:** Wisdom is like a fountain and may your fountain flow and never run dry and always cotninue.

**Ginny Weasley:** I dont kno who Mary Sue is, but thx 4 teh reviewster!1!Wisdom is like a fountain and may your fountain flow and never run dry and always cotninue.

**Edward Cooper:** YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PERSON ANDD i DONT NEED YOU AND I CAN DO SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETER! Steven "Fred" Kowalski is my new boif and im sur hes a much bttr kisser then ull evr be. and i want the vamlumtine i gave u back, u suck.

**Wilddog14;** thanx grfriend. u no a good ficcy wen u see it, obvously! Wisdom is like a fountain and may your fountain flow and never run dry and always cotninue.

**till the next install, PLEEEASE REVEIW! I will only continoo if i gett enuff revws.**


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